Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize