so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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