When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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