i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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