i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize