wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize