He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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