so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize