All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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