There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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