Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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