alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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