end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize