Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

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  (970): You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip. http://tfl.nu/rzap
  Replies (3) Good night (2739) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3840) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

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  (228): two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter. http://tfl.nu/ayzd
  Replies (26) Good night (645) Bad night (3674) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  Congratulations on your moose knuckle.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.

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  (585): Congratulations on your moose knuckle. (614): Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated. http://tfl.nu/9z1g
  Replies (7) Good night (2736) Bad night (727)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore

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  (540): i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore http://tfl.nu/9ffg
  Replies (16) Good night (3892) Bad night (1467) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.

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  (845): I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day. http://tfl.nu/52wz
  Replies (14) Good night (4141) Bad night (650)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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  (786): And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xlfm
  Replies (3) Good night (3047) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability

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  (917): we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability http://tfl.nu/xeg6
  Replies (1) Good night (2125) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend

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  (931): everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend http://tfl.nu/stvz
  Replies (9) Good night (788) Bad night (3940) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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  (575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3
  Replies (8) Good night (3793) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
  Replies (6) Good night (1837) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

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  (404): I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro http://tfl.nu/8m8i
  Replies (5) Good night (1078) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro

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  (330): It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro http://tfl.nu/tuhp
  Replies (9) Good night (1467) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1632) Bad night (256)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed

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  (613): So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed http://tfl.nu/pqem
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt

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