im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize