she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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