Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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