Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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