I'm gonna have a badass scar
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize