sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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