then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize