if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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