Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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