i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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