when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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