I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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