Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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