3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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