Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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