his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is that a dick in a sweater?
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