think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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