I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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