would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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