i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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