i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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