rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
time to smoke my breakfast
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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