New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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