i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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