You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize