my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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