she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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