Fine. I'll sleep in my office
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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