new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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