I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize