4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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