He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
pray to the hookup gods
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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