I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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