Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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