She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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