so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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