you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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